I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
