She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
