Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
