someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
