I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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