I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
