I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
