Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
