She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
