I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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