So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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