question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
