I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
