whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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