You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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