You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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