Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
