and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
