sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
