Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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