I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
