i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
