I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love accidental penises.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
