I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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