I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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