I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
