You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
