My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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