I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
