I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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