I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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