oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
