Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The air taste purple.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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