It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
