Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
