TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
