Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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