Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
