i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
