i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
