I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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