Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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