You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
