my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
