I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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