both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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