Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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