My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
