did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
