so explain again why im purple
no
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
