I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
