I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
