You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
