nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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